Hey there, you fabulous folks of the internet! Buckle up and get ready for a wild ride through the quirks and mysteries of life. Today, we're diving into the enchanting world of "Never Trust A Woman Who..." – and let me tell you, it's going to be a rollercoaster of laughs and surprises.

Picture this: you're at a party, and you spot a woman who can open a beer bottle with her teeth. Impressive, right? Well, hold on tight because that's just the beginning of this riveting list. We've all heard about karma, but what happens when someone cheats on their ex with you? Brace yourself, because karma's got a sidekick, and she's called the "bitchy girl."

Now, let's talk about female friends – or the lack thereof. If someone has few or no female friends, it's like spotting a unicorn in the wild. But wait, there's more! If she switches off her phone whenever she's with you, you might wonder if she's secretly a spy. Double-oh-no!

And what's up with someone who's always texting but has a phone inbox as empty as the Sahara desert? I mean, come on, is she secretly messaging aliens or what? But hold on, it gets even better – or worse, depending on how you see it.

If you come across a woman with more than four Debit or Credit Cards in her purse, well, you might want to ask if she's auditioning for a magician's role. Watch out for those magic tricks! And speaking of appearances, if she wears more makeup than clothes, you might be wondering if she's applying for a job at the local circus.

Now, let's move on to her drinking habits. Does she drink White Cap? Well, we all know what they say about people who prefer that beverage, right? But don't fret; we're not done yet!

How about her online presence? If she doesn't have any of her own photos on Facebook, not even her profile pic, you might be wondering if she's a secret agent, undercover and ready to pounce on some super-villains. And if she's never watched a single episode of The Wedding Show, well, maybe she's avoiding potential hints, or perhaps she's just not a fan of those bridezillas.

Oh, and be prepared for a wild ride if she won't reveal where she went to High School. Is she hiding a dark past, or is she simply shy about her yearbook photos?

Now, hold on tight as we delve into her financial prowess. A woman without a job but always rocking a new hairstyle, phone, or clothes – who needs a paycheck when you've got a magical wardrobe and an ever-changing look? It's like living in a fashion wonderland!

Let's not forget the golden tooth mystery. Is she a treasure hunter in disguise, or did she just make a wrong turn at the dentist's office? And what's with leaving the room to answer her phone? Is she secretly a superhero receiving top-secret missions?

Speaking of style, if she wears a digital watch, well, she's definitely living in the future – or she's just really punctual. And if she never wears skirts, maybe she's on a secret mission to revolutionize fashion, one pant leg at a time.

But wait, there's more! A toothpick after lunch? Is she auditioning for the role of a modern-day cowgirl or cowboy? And why on earth does she carry both condoms and a toothbrush in her handbag? Is she preparing for a wild night out, followed by a dental emergency?

And let's not forget the woman who's always broke but somehow always manages to hit the rave. Is she a financial wizard or just really good at making it rain with invisible cash? We might never know!

And brace yourselves for the ultimate revelation: she carries an alcohol flask in her handbag. Is she secretly throwing an impromptu party wherever she goes, or is she prepared for a sudden prohibition era?

What about her relationship with her mother? If she doesn't know her mother's number off-head, well, let's just say her mom might be quite upset with the lack of speed dial love.

And speaking of social media, if she has disabled posting on her Facebook wall, it's like she's entered the Twilight Zone of online secrecy. What's she hiding, and is she secretly communicating with aliens through private messages?

Now, if she can't cook, don't fret – there are always food delivery apps. But be careful, you might end up dining on some intergalactic cuisine!

Moving on to fashion faux pas, if she leaves the house while wearing mismatched socks or earrings, she's clearly setting new trends – or she's just a walking optical illusion.

And hold onto your hats for this one – she carries a weapon in her handbag. James Bond, who? This woman is a one-woman army, ready to face any danger that comes her way.

And finally, let's talk about identity secrets. If she adamantly refuses to show anyone her ID card, she's either in the Witness Protection Program, or she's just really attached to her mysterious persona.